Why do people travel?  Well, without getting to philosophical about it, people travel to getaway from themselves, to reinvent themselves and to escape. I’m no sentimentalist, and I don’t really buy the argument that people go to travel to ’find themselves’ or any of that crap.  For the most part I think people travel to go and get drunk in other countries…eat food they are not used to, and sleep with people who don’t speak the same language as them.  This may not sound romantic, but seriously, does anyone really need another reason to go travel somewhere? Lets’ take a closer look at the real reasons people travel:

 

1. Sex:  For sure this has got to be the number one reason people leave their homes and spend thousands of dollars just to be somewhere else.  It seems that there isn’t any institution left in western society that has not been sexed up.  Even toothpaste commercials feature nubile young people tossing their heads around orgasmicly while they vigorously remove plaque. The travel industry is no exception.  Whether it’s a weekend trip to Amsterdam, a lusty tour through Europe, or a teaching trip to Korea, your friends invariably ask: ”so, did you get laid?”  Maybe they asked you if you liked the pyramids, or the Great Wall of China or whatever, but really all they want to know is where you ’got off’ along the way.

 

2. Booze: Do they have alcohol where you live?  Sure they do, unless you live in Utah, and if you live in Utah you probably don’t care about traveling anyway (unless you are altruistically spreading the good news of Jesus Christ).  Do they have booze where you are traveling?  Sure they do.  So why then do people insist on getting drunk when they are traveling? The answer is purely economical.  Booze is cheaper in 90% of the world than it is where you live.  Even the normally expensive Western Europe has cheaper alcohol than most of the United States.  And as for Latin America, Africa, China, Asia and Eastern Europe, you can basically get a pint of beer for $0.35. Not only that but other countries have strange booze that gets you drunk in strange ways.  If you have ever been on an absinthe bender you know what I’m talking about…although you probably don’t want to talk about it because you made out with your cousin.

 

3. History : Did you study history in college?  You did?  Well, you are lying, because if you had studied history in college you wouldn’t have any money to pay for an Internet connection let alone a computer…and you certainly don’t have any money to traveling with. So stop wasting my time. For the rest of you, you probably have really nice jobs that pay you nice money.  I suggest you take this money and buy books about history…and most importantly buy books that don’t have any pictures.  Read, read and read some more and maybe just maybe you’ll have some nuggets of information to make your trip just a little more rich.

 

4. The Sites: Seeing the sites is fun if you have followed the instructions in #3.  If you have not, I suggest you concentrate on #1 and #2, they are much more rewarding than seeing the sites. Churches and other religious structures are also very popular destinations for travelers. Why is that?  If you know then please write back because I have no f*#cking clue!

5. Food:  This is the best reason to go traveling and it is one that you should never be ashamed of…unless you travel to England (then just bring a bunch of pills that will sustain your life functions until you can get somewhere decent.)  Eating is the best gift that nature has given us, and just about every society on earth has made the most of this gift. You live in America and thus are held hostage by a culture that has taken this gift (unopened) and thrown it in the trash.  Other culture hove not quite been disrespectful and hopefully you’ll eat enough amazing food that you’ll be converted.

 

6. Coming Home: For many people the best thing about traveling is coming home. There is nothing quite like hopping in a hot shower, sending your friends out for KFC and watching Law and Order, thanking god you don’t have to worry about currency conversion anymore. Of course there are many other reasons to go traveling, but these are the basics.  So take this as a start and read on for other, more interesting ’facts’ about traveling.