Destinations

You know that you have that vacation time coming up, but let’s face it, your boring job has robbed you of every last ounce of creativity you might have ever had, and you can’t even decide where you should haul your sorry butt to.  Don’t worry, I understand and I’m here to help.  I will tell you where to go, and then you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

So, where to go?

(Drum-roll)

Former Yugoslavia it is then!

What!? You say.  I can’t go to the former Yugoslavia, that place is full of war and bullets and stuff.  Right?  Wrong!

The former Yugoslavia, which means the countries of Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, Slovenia, Montenegro and Macedonia, is the new hot destination that is soon to be on anyone’s travel destination list. I’ll explain why.

Firstly, these countries are no longer officially at war with each other and therefore there is not much threat to you.  In fact these countries are far safer for tourists than many other hot destinations.  Everybody has a story of being robbed in Spain, swindled in Bangkok or beat up in Venezuela.   Who has a bad story about being robbed in Zagreb, or beat up in Split? You largest concern should be land mines, but most of them have been removed and it’s not like you’ll step on one while walking to a bar downtown.

You might not believe this either, but years of communism have blessed Yugoslavia with excellent facilities and most of the country is at least as modern as Arkansas (is that really helping things?)  The weather there is also gorgeous.  Look on a map, these countries occupy the same latitude as Spain and Italy…and their climate is almost exactly the same.  In fact, in many ways it’s better.  There are far fewer people in the Balkans, so there is less pollution and fewer cars. There are also some of the best beaches in the world.

Well you say…why would I go there?  I am too cheap to fly across the globe for some nice beaches.  Well this is the next great thing about the Balkans.  It is still very cheap to live here.  In fact, prices are about a quarter of what they are in the United States.  What savings! A pint of beer is about $0.35, a great deal for sure.

The people here are also remarkable.  Firstly they are not the friendliest people.  But this is not a bad thing.  They are polite, they are kind and they are eager to help, but that’s about it. How is this a good thing?  Well, have you ever been on a trip where a local is so excited to meet you that they invite you over for dinner, then the next thing you know your are the guest of honor at their son’s wedding.  Who needs that?

But, the people are probably the best looking folks on the planet.  I’m sure you don’t believe me.  Yugoslavians are very tall (men and women), very lean, and best of all they are obsessive about their looks.  Some people say that the United States is a shallow and materialistic society.  They are wrong. American’s are dirty pigs compared to Yugoslavians.  No Yugoslavian woman would be caught dead on the street without her hair done, a nice pair or jeans and a full manicure.  No Yugoslavian man you dare leave the house in jogging pants and flip-flops either.  They’re just better dressed.

So I hope you like my travel destination.  If you think I’m wrong then write me and we’ll have a good old-fashioned debate about it.  Cheers.