There is nothing quite like a first date to make you a nervous and blubbering mess. It doesn’t matter whether you go on 5 or 500 first dates in your life; you will still get the sweaty palms and the butterflies—more like nausea—just as you did on your very first! Don’t get me wrong, I personally believe that first dates are great because as nerve wracking as they are, there is something exciting and sweet about the butterflies and borderline anxiety attacks that we should savor and enjoy! But for those of you who aren’t quite as bent and actually find the nerves so intense that you want to bail and often do, then I’ve got some advice that should make you a lot less queasy so that you can actually enjoy the date.
First off, understanding where a lot of these nerves are coming from will make it easier to get a hold of yourself and get them under control. No, the nerves are not coming from your belly! They’re actually coming from your brain! You can blame all the body parts you want and curse first dates all you like but the reality is that you are the one responsible for the nerves thanks to your overactive mind. We put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to dating and we fixate so much on trying to be perfect that we forget how to relax and just enjoy ourselves! Sure, you should look good when you go on a first date and you should hope to make a good impression, but you don’t need to be ‘perfect’. So what if the restaurant you choose doesn’t quite live up to what you had hoped or if your hair gets messed by the wind as you’re walking to meet your date—it’s life and life ain’t perfect! The expectations that we place on ourselves are horrific! It’s no wonder you’re a ball of nerves when you’re focusing so much energy on trying to be what no one is!
The expectations that we place on ourselves when it comes to dating are bad enough, but now add to that the unrealistic expectations that we put on the other person! We all want to meet our ideal match, our soul mate and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that we often set out on dates expecting the other person to be something that we’ve built up in our minds. We want the other person to live up to our expectations so badly that we don’t always give them a chance to show how great they are even though they aren’t what we’d expected. This isn’t about lowering standards and settling for less. It’s about not expecting someone to be what you think the perfect date ‘should’ be. It’s not fair to them and it gets you all worked up before a date, often to only come crashing down afterwards.
By taking a breath and deciding to go into a first date expecting nothing more than to have a good time and get to know someone better, you’ll be a lot less likely to stress and sweat and all those nasty things so that you can enjoy yourself and the company. This will not only make dating easier for you but also give you a way better shot at finding love without forcing it.
